Kerstin Baker-Ash

Here We Go!

Cue the Eye of the Tiger... we're go for launch. Watch this space, we'll update as soon as we can with real, live baby news.

When You Think The Baby Will Never Come...

There have been a lot of tears in my house this weekend. Tears of frustration, tears of exhaustion and tears from a Vindaloo. There's an end in sight - I'm being induced on Thursday - but a lot of my upset stems from a rather stupid belief that my body is somehow not working the way it should be to deliver this baby. I feel like a complete and utter failure.

The baby is fine. Monitoring shows that Baby Ash is "textbook" - lots of movement, lots of increased heart rate when there's movement, and I've even tracked a couple of real, live contractions. They just haven't amounted to anything solid - even to open up just one centimeter more. So, the baby just isn't ready to greet the world... yet.

We've tried everything. Well, everything except for castor oil because the side effects scare me. However, last night's Vindaloo produced what I can only describe as comparable results to castor oil; there's a reason that the dish has "loo" in the name. What a stupid, stupid choice which resulted in a sleepless night and increased irritability. Still - desperate times call for desperate measures.

Everything seems to be able to piss me off (sorry about the language, I figure I can get a free pass at 9 days overdue, right?). There seem to be a lot of people due around the same time as me, and I've been seeing baby albums on Facebook and bursting into tears. At the hospital the other day, we saw two couples from our prenatal classes who were due one and two weeks after us respectively; one couple already had their baby, and the other were pacing up and down in the transition phase of labor. Tears again.

I know people are excited to hear about this baby. So are we. I feel like unplugging our home phone line and just ignoring the world. I have some wonderful friends and family, and I don't like feeling frustrated towards their excitement; I'm so glad that I have people who care about me and who care about this baby. It's clear that Baby Ash is going to have a lot of admirers and friends when it finally decides to break free (queue Queen music here). 

The truth is, sometimes I feel like talking to people and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like laughing about being so overdue, and sometimes I wish people would just calm down and stop asking me (or my husband, mother, father, brother, grandparents, etc) if I've had the baby yet. Honestly, with all the connectivity that exists - especially in the age of social media and my high usage of it - you're going to know not only when we go to hospital but when we have the baby (except from Friday night to Saturday night, sorry folks) pretty sharpish. I'd like to blame my mercurial mood on hormones, but it's more like frustration than anything else. 

There's so much else going on in the world - so many people who are in much more dire straits than I am being over my due date - I use that to get back into my happy place. I just wish that I could keep that at the front of my mind when people, lovely as they are, look for baby updates. I hope and pray that this is my last baby-free entry. If not, I can only just keep on trucking, right?

Stop Asking!

I'm overdue. Waaay overdue. I'm probably the first person that recognizes this, and yet people feel compelled to tell me "wow, you're really overdue!"  

Shut up.

Seriously - I've arrived at a really good place around this baby's anticipation build-up. It's not helpful to tell me you think it'll happen anytime now (I know... that's the nature of being more than 40 weeks pregnant...) or that you know how I feel (especially if you're a dude... wtf?). I'm taking it unbelievably easy, not entirely by choice as late pregnancy has some interesting side effects (not to do with the baby or blood pressure, don't worry), and my husband is being supportive above and beyond what's reasonable even from an overdue wife.

So we're good. Adding to the "letting go" is the fact that, come hell or high water, I will be having this baby in a week. I'm booked in for an induction on the 28th, and have already had what seems like an effective sweep.

I appreciate your good thoughts, but stop with the asking or "feeling" like today is going to be the day. You're jinxing it, and getting me out of my relaxed and easy place that I've worked so hard to get to and stay at. My baby is unique, special and wonderful, and it'll be ready when it wants to be. 

Playing the Waiting Game

One day to go. One day until I can justifiably feel a bit fed up of playing the waiting game, and potentially one day to go until we can finally meet our firstborn child. Every little twinge, every sign makes us jump up and wonder if it's go time, only to be disappointed a couple of minutes later. 

Things are happening - I had my 40 week midwife appointment yesterday and the baby's head is fully engaged, just waiting for the rest of my body to catch up and the baby to release those wonderful hormones which signal that it's ready to make an appearance in the world. It's an update from last week, when the baby's head was still palpable and only 2/5 engaged. So, we're not stuck in limbo; there has been a lot of progress.

We've been telling the baby that we're ready, and trying to entice it out with promises of snow (figuring this half-Canadian baby might be coaxed by the white stuff). It's missed out on the snow, so maybe it's waiting for the big thaw to be complete before it makes a grand entrance.

The baby is apparently as big as a watermelon and can weigh up to 9 pounds, according to the WhatToExpect.com iPhone App. I'm not going to pretend that I can't remember a time when that counter said 30 weeks to go, or when the baby was as big as a pineapple or even a pumpkin seed. Still, it's gone sloooowwwwlllllly. I'm sure I'll look back on this time and wonder where it all went, but at this stage I'm carrying a watermelon and feeling pretty huge. I can't wait to see the baby, which I suppose is the reason I feel it's dragging along.

So, watch this space. Hopefully the weekend will bring not only progress but a tiny baby to call our very own.

Birth Plan

It's become quite a common practice in the United States to put together a thorough plan for how you want your labor and delivery to go. Most of the time, babies have their own ideas about how they want their own birth to go, but it can't hurt to have something written down to let the hospital staff know your wishes and desires going into the delivery suite. 

In the maternity notes you're given at your booking in appointment with the NHS, you're given a page of tick boxes - drugs, birth partner, home delivery, etc. It doesn't really go into much more detail than that, and I don't think it's adequate enough to answer specific issues that aren't uncommon in labor or delivery. So, we've made our own.

I used a birth plan template I found online (from BirthPlan.com - owned by Disney, how appropriate), and although it's American I think it's a good start to make our wishes clear to the midwives and doctors. I'm a bit apprehensive about introducing it to NHS staff - my husband is warning me to keep my expectations low because it's publicly funded healthcare. Still, I believe that making my wishes clear from the outset can make the whole process a bit more smooth and take off some of the pressure for my husband to remember every minute detail.

Ours is a two-pager, so I won't be posting the whole thing, but here's the overall jist:

Labor

• I want to be able to walk around and change position if needed during labor
• I am bringing my own music to play during labor

Pain Medication

• Before considering an epidural, I would like to try an injection of narcotic pain relief
• I would like to have a walking epidural, although I am not opposed to a traditional epidural if the situation warrants
• Unless it is absolutely medically necessary for the health of my baby, I do not wish to be put under general anesthesia

Cesarean

• Unless absolutely necessary, I would like to avoid a Cesarean
• I would like my husband present at all times if our baby requires a Cesarean delivery
• So I can view the birth, I would like the screen lowered just before delivery of our baby

Delivery

• I would like to be allowed to choose the position in which I give birth
• I would appreciate having the room lights turned low for the actual delivery
• I would like to have our baby placed on my chest immediately after delivery

Immediately After Delivery

• I do not want a routine injection of Pitocin after the delivery to aid in expelling the placenta
• I would like to have my husband cut the cord

I've left out the gnarly bits - I figure people don't need to know our nursing plans after delivery (we're doing it the way women have been doing it for millennia, just in case I get comments about how wonderful it is to breastfeed - we know!) or some of the more intimate issues that can happen with delivering an eight pound baby. I've also included our desire to take photos and video of the birth (not for public showing - yikes!).

All I've got left to do is re-pack our bags and decide between Route A or Route B to the hospital (yes, we've planned that). Let's get this party started already!

Labor Playlist

Sorry for all the birth-related posts. I might get back to SEM at some point in the next couple of months, but you'd probably not be surprised to find out that most of my days now revolve around what to expect in the next days (please, please, please) and weeks.

I've never been in labor before, so I don't really know what to expect - what is it going to feel like, how am I going to feel, when am I going to know when I'm in labor... 

One thing I do know is that I'd like to enjoy my own music, rather than rely on the NHS' version of calming and relaxing tunes. Thanks to a couple of iTunes gift certificates over the holidays, I'm well stocked with the latest (and not so latest) music to rock out (or tune out) to during labor. Again, I've not done this before, so I thought I'd completely geek out and put together three playlists depending on my mood. The last thing I want to do is throw my iPhone across the room in a fit of painful rage if the music isn't doing it for me.

Happy Music

A bit of an eclectic mix, ranging from James Taylor (Carolina on My Mind), Bubba Sparxxx (Deliverance, Comin' Round), Matisyahu (Jerusalem, One Day), The Doobie Brothers (Minute By Minute), Great Big Sea (Ordinary Day) and Journey (Don't Stop Believin'). I've got 51 songs on the list - iTunes tells me it's 3.3 hours long, so hopefully it'll be enough to go through most of labor (all you women are laughing like Nelson from the Simpsons right now, right?). Whatever, it's a pretty good all-star playlist of my favorite songs, even if Yedid Nefesh is mixed with Ghetto Superstar.

Laid Back

It might be that I need this to relax and ride through a contraction, or chill out after I get some pain relief. It's a much shorter playlist (only 26 songs and 1.7 hours), but I think it keeps the theme of blissing out quite tight. Artists that I've included are Sarah McLachlan (Blackbird, Homeless), Van Morrison (Behind the Ritual, Into the Mystic), Moshav (Shuva Hashem), Rickie Lee Jones (Running from Mercy) and Vonda Shepard (Maryland).

Pumped Up

I'm into rap. A lot. You're surprised. I know most of the lyrics from N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton album, and believe that Ice-T's O.G. is the definitive gangsta rap track for its generation. If I need a shot of "get through this", I'm treating this like a workout at the gym and putting on the best music to get my head around pushing myself through a wall. Dr. Dre (Still D.R.E., Forgot About Dre), Outkast (Rosa Parks, B.O.B., ATLiens), Jay-Z (Big Pimpin') and Jermaine Dupri (Money Ain't A Thang) are going to help me out if I need it. I've also included songs from Green Day (Basket Case), The Offspring (Pretty Fly) and Eve 6 (Inside Out) for a little late-90s inspiration. Again, it's my list and the NHS can politely accept that this is my idea of pain relief.

You're supposed to choose music that makes you happy, so I've tried to make a comprehensive list of endorphin-releasing tracks (even if that does mean mixing Y-Love with Eiffel 65). If all else fails, let's go for some coloratura soprano screams...

Still Pregnant, Still Waiting

It's funny, you know. My friends and family know me as a pretty web-savvy gal; I'm on Facebook, Twitter and I blog (although not as regularly as I would've liked to recently). My iPhone is permanently by my side, and I've spent a lot of time organizing my address book so that I can reach anyone I've known in the last decade or so in seconds.

Still, I'm getting phone calls and e-mails from very well-meaning and excited relatives and friends asking if I've a) had the baby b) gone into labor or c) had any feelings it was about to start. I'm not angry by any stretch, but seriously folks... we will let you know. It might surprise you, but we're waiting with bated breath for the arrival of our firstborn, too. We haven't forgotten, and we certainly won't forget to send an update on Facebook, Twitter or by phone call or text message for the following:

1. When I'm in labor.
2. When I've given birth.
3. All the details - gender, name, weight, length, hair color.
4. The first photo.
5. When we're heading home from the hospital.

Absent these updates, please assume that I've not yet gone into labor or had the baby. My due date is Saturday, January 16th, so asking me beforehand (especially when first babies are notoriously late) is a bit futile, no? :)